Resilience is already here: the words that transformed my life.

Colette Grant

Even as a little girl I was always curious about people. What makes them tick? Why did some people seem to be able to glide through life, while for others everything was a struggle?

My life has been one of discovery... on a rollercoaster. 🎢

My family had a small business, so all the conversations around our dinner table were about ideas and creativity. I was encouraged to join in the conversations and get involved in the work to be done. I loved coming up with solutions and participating in the decision-making.

Sadly, my lovely Mum passed away when I was in my early 30s. She had spent her whole life worrying about almost everything and anything. And now, she was gone—just like that. At that moment, I realised what a waste it was to spend so much time ruminating and worrying about anything. This was a huge insight for me, one that helped me navigate what was to come next.

Around the same time, with my 2-year-old son in tow, I set up a property business. It was full of really great people, but they all seemed to have lots of problems both at work and in their personal lives. I was the ‘go-to person’ for advice, a sounding board of sorts. I would dish out my opinions and advice; do this... do that... try this or that...

Sometimes my advice seemed helpful, and other times not so much.

Then one day, I was lucky enough to meet someone who understood and could explain to me how our system works, for all of us, without exceptions. What I learned was this. We are not the actor in a movie of our life. We are in charge of the projector, we are the casting director, the costume designer, the scriptwriter, the works!

This was the first time I had every heard about the inside out nature of my life, and I thought: wow, okay, that makes sense... quickly followed by what do I do with that?

Soon, I started to see this unfolding in my life, moment to moment. My life got a whole lot better. As I was dealing with one of the most difficult situations in both my personal life and my business, having this understanding was a huge relief. Finally, there was some light at the end of the tunnel.

I still found it easier to notice overthinking in other people rather than myself. My family, my friends, my colleagues: I would see everyone making things up in their own heads, and then that thought becoming a point of conflict, or sheer stubbornness to be right. Until one day, I saw that I was doing exactly the same thing! Doooohhhh, not helpful, not useful and totally getting in my own way. I could be right or be happy! Well, at least some of the time.

Slowly, I got more curious about what my own mind was up to. I realised that I had cast-iron stories that I was completely into. In any given situation, I would mould my story, add to it, and make sure I was telling anyone who would listen how hard I had it, and so it went on… until I realised something:

My story was blocking me from what I really needed to be doing, which was to get more curious about what I could do about the problem.

Bingo! As soon as that kicked in, I seemed to get more creative in solving whatever the problem was. A solution would come to me out of nowhere, most of the time when I was doing something completely unrelated. This is something I have come to see as a real gift.

The solutions were almost always the most simple thing you can imagine. They sounded a lot like common sense, useful ideas that felt right. That feeling was an excellent indicator to help me know if I was on the right track.

My solutions were such easy things like:

• Why don’t you go and have a look? ( that problem in a different way)
• Why don’t I speak to him? (...and see if we can sort it out)
• Maybe I should call them and ask if they are OK? (Rather than wonder or try to mind-read)
• Maybe I am making up that I have upset them? (Hey, more mind-reading)

I can now see that ‘good stuff’ like resilience and confidence is built into my system. All I have to do is let it be and it will guide me. I just have to listen to it. Being so serious and stressed about everything actually blocks the answer to how to fix something; it blocks any kind of creative or useful thought.

Slowly, things that were weighing me down started to fall away. I felt lighter, more grateful for what I had. I realised that I was showing up differently to situations, and people started to respond to me differently.

Now, when people come to me for advice, I point them in the direction of their own wisdom. I listen to them—really listen to them—and I believe I ask better questions because I am listening so intently. I now know that people only change once they see something for themselves, something that makes sense to them.

That is what has happened to me.

I am so grateful to have learned these valuable lessons in my life. It isn't like anything else I have learned. It is the gift that keeps on giving. Once you know how your brain and your system works, it so much easier to be in harmony with it rather than fight it.

My life has got a whole lot better, my personal life is transformed, I have an amazing Partner, fantastic relationships with my grown-up children, and, having sold my property business, I am now dedicating my life to doing work I believe in. It is actually all I ever wanted, and I am so happy about that.

Thank you for listening 😉

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This story was written by

Colette Grant
Marianne Lalande

Colette is a certified Transformational Coach. People, their state of mind and creativity are at the heart of her work in growing her clients' businesses and careers.

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